Thursday, October 24, 2013

Okay, my previous post was mean.. I kept pointing fingers, but meh there's actually no use in doing that anyway.

I need sleep and a lot of time

or i'll die, really, i'm just done w TANI and shit has been getting to me.

and I don't feel well

maybe emotional

and touched by God through songs....

I shouldn't worry..

and im sorry for my behavior
 :(

but i'm not sorry for how I felt


i played a melody at 12:02 AM
c0mments

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

I'm aware enough to not let this sadness bring me down to depression
and that's a good thing
I can't believe I've lost a friend who was initially so afraid to lose me and so ready to trust me..
but then again, that maybe feigned.
how many people do that just to try to get closer to someone eh? I really thought I could trust him but no. I almost wanted to believe him when he said he would never get tried of me. Almost, because I somehow get the feeling that this kind of friendship wouldn't last, no matter how much I want it to.
But I gave in to my unguarded heart once again.

Well, not like I've never been hated before.. my best friend hates me ahah but we always get over that after a period of time.

I mean haters gonna hate, and I don't need to know why, because even if I do, what am I gonna do about it ? How the hell would you expect me to change for a hater? I don't live to please people who don't appreciate me for being me.

The more I think about the situation, the more I find it really ridiculous.

and how the hell is it my fault?

and I wasn't even all over him... talk about super sized ego please.

Forget it ,
really

a friend that gives you up so fucking easily?

Talk about fair weather or in the heat of the moment friend

Bull shit

What promises eh?

what problems eh?

yeah, I may really want you to stay my friend because I don't like awkwardness and conflict,

but hey, please work on your ego, I don't NEED you in my life


and yeah, I may have planned my time around you before when we were still good, but I was dumb then, I was still having priorities issues. I didn't know what was important what was not, I haven't actually knew what God wanted for me, but now that I have God in my life, my POV did change a bit, and yeah, talk about not placing securities on people.. weren't you the same? I thought you would've understood better.

Yeah I may sound like I really dislike you, but im willing to let it go, maybe even forgive your really bad attitude .
then again I kinda see that , maybe that's why you think many people left you
I doubt your friends would ever leave you, you pushed them away when u get bored of them
and then you wallow in self pity about all the failed friendships you have

you feel tied down by some friends, and instead of working it out, you flick them away, cut them out, like trash.. I mean, if that is how u treat friends u cant handle, w/o the least bit of care

that's just immature.. even my primary school friend could do so much better than that.

yeah, you may use your "introverted" excuse, but being introverted and cold/aloof are totally 2 different things.

hey, I tried to talk to you, I tried to find out why, but hey, if you're gonna give up on this friendship so easily, I don't see the point trying either.

Yeah you may say, "I don't even WANT you to try. Get off my back and shut up."

who ever in the world told you I wouldn't stop? I will. and I've just.

Because I cherish friendship a lot, more then u think I do. Yeah, you may use the initial conflict I had w Winnie to try to argue w me , but hey, she knows me to the crack of my bone.

and you, you don't even compare to her by anything, now that I see who u are

she, knew that I am annoying to the heart break of her, but didn't give up on me, she almost man she almost, but she held on, so she is dear to me, someone I wouldn't give up on in years, someone I would trust my being to and wouldn't mind even if she broke a bone / two of me.

you're not worth the rant, but im ranting because I need an outlet


well feels good after a runt and im glad that I was using a lot of vulgarities (I know I did a few) in the post , YAY kudos to mee:)





i played a melody at 4:09 PM
c0mments

Tuesday, October 22, 2013

And hey yet again im blogging, okay my mind is kind of blank rn but at least it is blank in a sense that I not blank because I troubled worrying about a situation..

and yes
im blogging again because I was thinking a lot
the same thing happen today again.. compared to 5 months ago when I broke up.. after a few days, I got scouted by some con-philipine lady again. but this time although it was a compliment that I was actually scouted.. but all it ever brought me was back 5 month ago, when I was struggling w a burdened heart so much harder than what I am facing now.

and I don't wna be a fucking step over

I don't wanna spend the rest my single life feeling not myself , not being able to live to the fullest, Glorifying God.

 so yes, ive thought it  out somehow

somehow I don't want to hide

 my actions maybe shameless..
but that shows who I really am, what are my priorities in life
and I don't want to be afraid to set them straight and live up to them I don't want to fill me heads with, "aw, I shoudve"

cus now I know I could've and would've

so there is no excuse

Haters gonna hate, but I living my true to myself and true to God, and my mistakes will be sincere and true, my mistakes will hopefully allow me to figure out who I am in Serving God and his people and im glad to have met many who are so influential in kindness and Godly behavior, living for the people around them unselfish, giving and bold:)

I will Guard my heart from it's fleshy desires

but also because of it's fragility, i'll have to take care that I will not hurt it

May my heart beat for your God. I really hope it does:)


Never to young to dream, never to early to start!

ILY GOD!



i played a melody at 11:58 PM
c0mments

Monday, October 21, 2013

the reason why I decided to write my prev post in a blog instead of my diary was because I felt that it was worth a share :) and if it were to be in my diary, I wouldn't be able to share how Jesus helped me w changing my heart and my persp :) and well, yeah. what a great change I wouldn't want to just keep it to myself :)


i played a melody at 11:23 PM
c0mments Yet again, another revelation
if not for God, I would have continued w my old ways

Haha but then again
also
if not for the lesson God had taught me
I would've been the same

Just got a text message from my sis to my mum telling her that she'd be home late cause Trish is talking to her..

if I were the me before,
I would've felt sad and jealous

and think
"why do people like to spend more time w my sis than me? Is it cause i'm no fun, or they don't think they'd have to worry about me any more"

And i'd get really jealous really, haha i'd be all sad and try my best not to feel left out and all, without realizing that I was the actual selfish one, the one who wanted all the lime light or the attention shining on me, and that doesn't feel good ..nether is it the least bit healthy for a human being, so much jealousy and bitterness..what a heavy and unnecessarily burdened heart

I remember when I was young.. I heard

Luke 15:3-7 ESV /        
So he told them this parable: “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. 

The Parable of the Lost Son

¹¹ Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. ¹² The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
¹³ “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴ After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵ So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶ He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
¹⁷ “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
²¹ “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
²² “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
²⁵ “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ²⁷ ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
²⁸ “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. ²⁹ But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. ³⁰ But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
³¹ “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. ³² But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

I thought I was one of the ninety nine sheeps.. I thought I wasn't lost.. but yet I wasn't found.. I wanted God to notice me so much, I strayed, in hope that God will come to find me.
I was stupidly jealous to that point.. the pint of misinterpreting such a comforting and beautiful verse to many others.

I was like the older son, so jealous of the repentance and celebration of the younger son.

In my own jealousy and selfishness, I was blinded I couldn't see that what was God's was mine and I was always with him, I was never lost. And I could and should also be happy for the repented!

I was so selfish, I wanted to always be though of as the best, that it got in my way of better reaction and judgment of my character.

But now I see that I didn't have any need to feel this way,

Because I am saved and renewed in him, I can Glorify him in the ways I can should, and I wouldn't have to feel self pity anymore, because God loves me and he is working wonders in my sister's life as well through my cousin, and I would love that to happen, because God never forgets! And through character, I want to continue to humble my self and learn to be accepting

Because im at a level where I am able to function properly on my own, I should've realiszed that I could use my current state to push myself further and continue learning in that path, but instead I felt so unwanted I had to create a mess to confirm that I was never forgotten, but true, at least now I know, now im sure :)

I do not need a second chance, I wouldn't want to test God w my actions .. now that I know God is always w me!


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
(NIV)


Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (NIV)

Deuteronomy 3:22
Do not be afraid of them; the LORD your God himself will fight for you. (NIV)

Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (NIV)

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. (NIV)


Who am I - Casting Crowns

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBcqria2wmg

Who am I? That the Lord of all the earth, Would care to know my name, Would care to feel my hurt. Who am I? That the bright and morning star, Would choose to light the way, For my ever wondering heart. Not because of who I am. But because of what you've done. Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are. Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, And you told me who I am. I am yours. I am yours. Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin Would look on me with love And watch me rise again Who am I? That the voice that calm the sea, Would call out through the rain, And calm the storm in me. Not because of who I am. But because what of youve done. Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are. Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, And you told me who I am. I am yours. Not because of who I am. But because of what you've done. Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are. Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, You told me who I am. I am yours. I am yours. Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear? 'Cuz I am yours. I am yours.       Thank you God, I think I feel your peace yet again :)

i played a melody at 11:04 PM
c0mments

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Hello!
 okay, haha I really don't like the fact that every time I blog when im excited or raging, i'll end up misspelling a few words, a grammar error here and there .. end up making me sound like a retard everytime I rage.. ahah

I want to stil sound abeeet prof when I rant please ahah
apparently things do not work that way! Okay I just completed another dino.. and I seriously thing I would have done a better job if I were to physically do it w plastercine :/

screw u maya , ahah

super tired after coming back home from giving a 1 and a half hour of tuition, me and Ming shun were yawning through out the lesson.. HAHAH that's kinda funny

I should be heading on w my proposal now... GB amazing race!!


Okie dokes updates next time,

Im gonna jiayous for sem 2!!!!! :)

I SERIOUSLY HOPE


i played a melody at 10:28 PM
c0mments And I have to blog again, because I am raging.. in the afternnon.. how fucking rare is that really...
okay I should cut down on my vulgarities.. esp when im angry..
but really what the fuck

Not long ago.. my Dad was nagging at me to blowdry my hair, and to eat banana and because it was nagging.. he didn't only mention it like once or twice.. it was constant.. ON AND ON AND ON AND FUCKING ON..

even when he was on the front steps, he was nagging at me on how I not leave my damn shoes on the steps and put them on the ground instead ..

LIKE HEY it some damn new rule u suddenly decided for the family just because u didn't wna dirty the steps that uve wiped like 2-3 weeks ago..

it ridiculous man? and apparently every other family members weren't even taking note of not putting their shoes anywhere other than the steps? EVEN U YOURSELF?

I mean, really how ridiculous is that.

and this whole thing is driving me fucking crazy because ive travelled to botanics and back and to hougang and back and I haven't even had my lunch until now.. like cant they not be so naggy?

Then when my dad left the house, my mum exploded, like she was using her big voice at us.. who obviously will, react oppositely to what she is screaming at us to do , because I REALLY DO NOT WANT TO REACT BY SCREAMING BACK AT HER.


and it was retarded.. she could've just said it a few times and not get so damn frustrated because we'll eventually do it.. and then she got so frustrated that she'd cry.. almost every single time. UGH



BUT hey, I know, its not easy being a mum, its tiring, it takes a toll on you.. and IT IS UNDERSTANDINGLY frustrating when nobody listens..

and teenagers aren't the easiest people to understand or get a long with

Sigh
 esp
kids
like
us
which
have
 an attitude
problem


why


so yeah, I just I think it would be better if she didn't get so angry SO OFTEN at us?

im not saying she shouldn't or its wrong or anything.. just saying that I would appreciate it more if she did this whole frustration thing lesser, less often and not suddenly fucking burst at us. thank you



ASDFGHJKL









bye, off to maya my damned dino


i played a melody at 4:39 PM
c0mments OKay so you're thinking why was my title of this blog like that, and I would very much want to share about this..
it didn't happen to long ago.. I was on my way home from cello lessons, at bishan mrt reading Jefferson Bethke's Jesus>Religion on the mrt till I reached amk mrt, thinking that I shouldn't bother about people's glance, b it that I was wearing a ribbon hair accessory that looked lika bunny ear, or the fact that people will be judging cus im reading a Christian book, I had this feeling of like, "hey, Proud to be a Christian, Y'all. and well,the next thing that happen after I stepped out of the mrt, smack me hard, right in my heart's face, if my heart even had a face to start with.

So I chose to take the stairs instead of the lift or the elevator down to the ground floor cus the nearest escalator spoiled and people are really squeezing to get to the escalator and use the lift and I don't like squeezing with them.. so I walked to the direction of the staircase..

so holding protectively over my new book, I made my way to through the crowd to where the staircase was, only to realize 2 old couples were making their way down the stairs too.. they weren't ordinary couples though, they were travelling and feeling their way round with a lean white cane, finding their way to an exit that may lead them down from the platform. Yes, they were a blind couple,holding hands, trying to figure out where they were and how to get their way round what ever that was unfamiliar to them..

 as they were making their way down, 2 strangers, both Indian I guess, approached to provide their help, apparently, nobody was either kind enough of free enough to give a helping hand.. and I was one of them. I felt ashamed, ashamed that I was not helping people just because im 'busy' reading a Christian book.. ashamed that that is what most Christians are now days.. and although im new im classified under the same title judging eyes as them. I was again reminded of why people had such bad impression on Christians... you may have the bible cross, Christian books, Christian roles,responsibilities, plastered on and all over you.. but your actions, your heart for  loving the people around u speaks of your God , and even yourself as a refection to Your King as your community, so much more than these titles...

And how important is that.. you know? Proclaiming that u are saved from the Almighty God, but acting as if you never tasted the Grace of God that u never bothered to care about any other people than yourself.

Claiming goodness, but through actions were none like it, maybe, in fact, the opposite...

I followed behind quietly, w awed held in my heart at the 2 Indians who went to help out of own initiative. I was feeling really bad, like why didn't I provide more help and assurance when I could have. Ashamed that I didn't approached them to help when they obviously were needing it, I tucked my book away, under my laptop bag, kept it close, didn't open it up to read it till I reached home..

You know that feeling of uneasiness or unrest

it was a great reminder for me though

to be reminded that I will not want to end up like "labeled" Christians.. but someone who actually acts boldly out of pure love and concern for the people around them, to provide really good help , and I don't even have to LOVE them, but do it because u want to do it, like an own personal goal, motive.

 so as these 2 Indians held firmly onto each of the couples' hands to lead them down the spiraling stairs, telling them that they are leading them down  a staircase, making sure that they did not miss a step while going down stairs and telling them that they were in safe hands.. I was really thinking and reflecting.. on actions.. I couldn't be more ashamed of myself.. really..

so yes, part and parcel of seeing life as it is...

Persp 2:

The couples were blind. And they trusted a stranger to lead them to their destination though it seemed unfamiliar and had areas that were possible for doubt to arise and may be even seen as legit fear, but they trusted their path in Goodness, and they were really in safe hands.. blind folded physically, but they had a heart full of faith and trust that it is amazing..
it shows you that when u really trust in something and not doubt the Goodness in something that it promised, it will see u through, You achieved in moving from where you were to where u are now.. all because u had faith, and that is how I realized, that to move on from one part of your life to another really requires a lot a lot of faith and trust during the situation of uncertainty and movement. Trust in God for now and have faith in his plans for u:)

Persp 3:

I mean hey, we are aware that the escalator wasn't working, but why should people squeeze and rush all the more like there was a closing time to the mrts at that timing, I mean,it's so selfish man, like only looking after yourself , but not about the people around who may need more help in moving round the area than you? So much to your own comfort that, disadvantaged people were just left to be? some of those who could easily walk down the stairs or walk to the further escalator didn't do that, they squeezed their fleshy tired lil bodies into and elevators that wasn't made for them in the first place.. people who really needed to used them were instead tossed aside and not look after. and shoved to walking the stairs that in the first place inconvenienced them so much!
How ridiculous! it really makes me wonder the use of upgraded facilities sometimes.. is it really to benefit those to REALLY ACTUALLY HAVE NO DOUBT NEED IT or just to FEED OF THE LAZINESS of perfectly functioning human beings?

sometimes.. really, technologies created these days are really taken advantage of too much that it doesn't seem like it matters anymore, but it enrages me though , that the main purpose of it aiding people who really needs them was defeated and instead, use to make already lazy people even more lazy.. The way it's going... not matter how Great or Awesome or High Tech the Upgraded facilities were, if no rules or responsibilities or lines drawn or measures taken to ensure the effectiveness of them upgrade.. Then this upgrade of technology would just be So much more of a harm than its initial good for the society!

So yeah, Inventors, upgraders, if you are ever reading this.. I hope you've noticed the same scenes that are happening every where at different areas of our life, and do try to keep these really wonderful creations and inventions really work for its own purpose rather than just let it breed laziness of people. It'll change a lot of the way things work.. I promise.

World, really.

I have to keep tht in mind too though..

Good reminder :)



anyways.. so this morning.. Oh, we only had
DRAW:.. and apparently, I'm still all sucky w character design..
GDP I have redo shits cus im failing it..
TANI: I have to type what ive learnt so far
3df: dino
Cello: theory
GB: proposal
TUItion: food
BDAE: IG's card


wasted a hell lot of my time today though..MEH

alrighties see you again sometime soon

HAVE HOPE REVIVAL OF EFFECTIVE BENEFITS :)

Oh saw Wen Kang omw home today :) so unexpected !!


Thank u Lord for the wonderful experience I have today:)










i played a melody at 12:16 AM
c0mments

Wednesday, October 16, 2013

I'm listenin' to 'This Is Gospel' - Panic! At the Disco

LYRICS
This is gospel for the fallen ones
Locked away in permanent slumber
Assembling their philosophies
From pieces of broken memories
(This is the beat of my heart)
Their gnashing teeth and criminal tongues
Conspire against the odds
But they haven't seen the best of us yet

If you love me, let me go
These words are knives and often leave scars
The fear of falling apart
Truth be told, I never was yours
The fear of falling apart

This is gospel for the vagabonds
Ne'er-do-wells and insufferable bastards
Confessing their apostasies
Led away by imperfect impostors
(This is the beat of my heart)
Don't try to sleep through the end of the world
And bury me alive
'Cause I won't give up without a fight




Loving the MV ahah the choreographer is really good

And guess what, on Monday during VAF,
I chose to use this video to show for some short presentation
yes,
I like abstract ideas and are amazed by them
but
that doesn't mean
I can produce
or have ideas
of similar theme
QAQ
I just like it okay?
 teacher.. why u so fast to judge



LOL suddenly drifted away due to past bands OMG ahahha All the memories :)


#theclickfive
#boyslikegirls
#heymonday
#wethekings
#yellowcard

all the bands.. so shuang when they scream

anyway, yep today was the second day of sem2 and it was 3DF
and we had to make a dino..
I tried the cube way but it sucked.. :(

later gonna try it with the plane way.. hope it works..

I'm having dinz first ttyl.




i played a melody at 7:54 PM
c0mments

Monday, October 14, 2013

And yesh, let me start off with why today is so Great , so Awesome

I managed to QT in the Morning! and then my prayers were answered through Matthew 3 :)
Like how being a Christian does not guarantee ur Salvation and how being a current non-believer doesn't stop u from being saved from God's wrath
It's reassuring to know that though, although im starting to be a Christian,
And even before I was a Christian,
I noticed and saw a lot of those who claim they were believers , do not act like they were..
And I realsied why
im guilty of that too,
we are too reliant of our 'label'

and allow our self to be lazy or irresponsible
because there is this thought of,

"i'm a Christian,God will save me any way".. but this is never true!

Matthew 3: 7-12

 But when he saw many of the Pharisees and Sadducees coming to where he was baptizing, he said to them: “You brood of vipers! Who warned you to flee from the coming wrath? ⁸ Produce fruit in keeping with repentance. ⁹ And do not think you can say to yourselves, ‘We have Abraham as our father.’ I tell you that out of these stones God can raise up children for Abraham. ¹⁰ The ax is already at the root of the trees, and every tree that does not produce good fruit will be cut down and thrown into the fire.
¹¹ “I baptize you with^[b] water for repentance. But after me comes one who is more powerful than I, whose sandals I am not worthy to carry. He will baptize you with^[c] the Holy Spirit and fire. ¹² His winnowing fork is in his hand, and he will clear his threshing floor, gathering his wheat into the barn and burning up the chaff with unquenchable fire.”


i really like the verse highlighted in RED, it's shows how God is a Just God, and a True God indeed,
it reminds Christians that although they have confessed their sins and accepted Christ, if they do not live in his way, they will not be saved as well. God is going to judge you through ur actions and your heart in the end. So we may be reminded of how our actions reflects on our God

i hope i would have this drilled in my heart and not act irresponsibly because i think God will always create a miracle way out for my everytime i get into a trouble i caused. It's because i HAVE an Awsome God like Him, all the more should my actions reflect and Glorify him.

I shouldn't put all my responsibilities on God but instead i should do all i can , and all that is not within my control, leave it to God to control, leave it in God's loving hand :)

so yeah, that is what i have to share about QT today :)


and then i had Church

which was impactful due to Building Fund day and wow, God really change and move people's lives! With God's love people a so full of hope! So full of compassion, it amazes and moves me!

----gotta bathe---brb----


and i want to bless ppl too!!

Dear Cherry also helped me with my Maya and her mum made KOU ROU PAO which is damn yummy ahahah  mg tmr is the start of a whole new sem, wish me luck yeah?? :))))

See you soon <3 span="">


i played a melody at 12:30 AM
c0mments

Saturday, October 12, 2013

really, I don't know whether its me being over obsessed w my thoughts or is this normal, but I don't think so cus ive been feeling real bad a bout it for days.. and no, im not even supposed to feel like that


oh well, stupid little me,
thinking that what I do was harmless
end up hurting myself instead
I warned myself
she warned me

but no
I was too dumb
too optimistic about the situation
to actually see
and now that all this has happened ,
I only have myself to blame

you
are not my world

God is

and
I would nt wan to put you on top because
its wrong
it
never feels right


why
didn't I listened
 why did I follow
my heart

my devious
weak lil
heart

and let myself to be led astray by shits like this?





Asses,
I knew something was not right
so why did I let myself into this shit?

then again maybe I was certain that an insecure person
would know what its like to be left and will never leave
I thought it was logical,
so I let my guards down

little did I know
I was the only defenceless one

the only one who was so stupidly vulnerable in a situation I
know I should have guarded my heart as much as possible





SO yeah, I will just let it be
cus what will be will be


I better start praying and QT and all man..



Ive lost touch w my God after working too mch

 I didn't make time for him at all :(


I'm Sorryy


I m abit of an extremist



SO actually, im supposed to be at the tuition centre right now.. to pass them the things for children's day but gawsh.. im feeling so lazy
=.=





okay...




rendering sucks


LOL

SIGH SCHOOL STARTING SOON

Im sad and happy about it :( :)


i played a melody at 11:21 AM
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Sunday, October 6, 2013

And who would've expected... I guy who liked me for a year or so confessed to me today..
And I just told him we should stay friends.. and the cliché reply of him willing wait... UGH.
Okay, I admit.. he wasn't my type to start with , that made it easy for me to not get into a relationship, and the second thing is that, thanks to Joshua Harris, now I know where I stand, I am really not ready for a relationship.. because if I were to get into one, first, my single life will be taken away from me ,and it will be messy because it will disrupt my actual path in life, w God.. secondly, Personally, I would only wan to get into a relationship when I know I can both fully support myself and have the ability t share life w that partner.. so now is a nono, plus maturity wise, I not ready too. So yeah, trying hard to live a God -focus life now.. although I do admit I get distracted by short crushes, bad decisions and eyecandies along the way.. I just pray that God will lead me through this phase and help me w glorifying him with my work.. (ummm maya is out of the question)

Oh update on work/Job: i'm losing my job as a tuition teacher because out of my 3 classes, 2 has been taken over already. i'm left with the Friday class.. and my mum's friend's kid .

and im currently doing pa temp Job at winnie's dad working company helping to stick promotion stickers on cartons..boring but if I have the speed, i'll be able to earn enough for me to live through the last 3 month quite comfortably

Music-wise: I practiced the guitar and my fingers are hurting like a bitch.. only did G-D-Em-C *cry*

So tmr morning going to master's house to celebrate his birthday then to church.. gonna be so awkward yo... waking up early tomorrow again.. long time no do QT liao.. SJP

cosplay things also haha DIE


I should water coulour tmr.. or plan my GDP OR Maya

 Talk to u next time dear :)




i played a melody at 12:17 AM
c0mments

Saturday, October 5, 2013

No I'm not colour blind,
I know this world is black and white"
-stop this train , John Mayer ( I swear JM songs are really perfect in chilly weathers like this )

Yep, so i'm up early today.. figured i'd  blog a little before stepping out later.. since I haven't been blogging for quite a few days!

U know , I was just thinking.. how come i'm unable to be like truthfully me in front of people? i'm always faking up a friendly character to people I meet for the sake of not being awkward haha

is that actually okay? or can I interact w people in a different way..cus somehow I feel .. sometimes that's not who I am.. then I get stuck interacting w people after a while cus that façade wasn't at all me.

Or is that my excuse?

Anyway.. this weekend and week is gonna be busier than expected ahahha

I'm meeting me GB friends later .. help plan then camp/ games or something, I guess my participation was inspired by Kev and the fact that I really now know how GB is so important in my walk w God.. It's kinda sad that I missed out on the whole few years of opportunity because I didn't actually wanna know about God.. my doubts and all...
I'm afraid some still exists though..i don't know..(I hate it when thoughts like that comes to me)

After which im heading to taiseng to meet Winnie at 1 for a temp job at marigold ahaha GO STICK STICKERS (Y)

Then on Sunday.. I'm going back to Master's ..cus of his birthday.. GOSH.. I hope no one hates me there.. I disappeared for an entire YEAR. #shameonme

After that would be church, then work w Trisha~~

:)

Monday..to Friday.. maybe working??


IDK


But.. I really want to enjoy that rest of my hols.. not much left...
I wonder if our timetables are out

OH WELL

May today be as fulfilling as any fulfilling day could be :))

Thank You God! :)


i played a melody at 7:51 AM
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