Monday, October 21, 2013

Yet again, another revelation
if not for God, I would have continued w my old ways

Haha but then again
also
if not for the lesson God had taught me
I would've been the same

Just got a text message from my sis to my mum telling her that she'd be home late cause Trish is talking to her..

if I were the me before,
I would've felt sad and jealous

and think
"why do people like to spend more time w my sis than me? Is it cause i'm no fun, or they don't think they'd have to worry about me any more"

And i'd get really jealous really, haha i'd be all sad and try my best not to feel left out and all, without realizing that I was the actual selfish one, the one who wanted all the lime light or the attention shining on me, and that doesn't feel good ..nether is it the least bit healthy for a human being, so much jealousy and bitterness..what a heavy and unnecessarily burdened heart

I remember when I was young.. I heard

Luke 15:3-7 ESV /        
So he told them this parable: “What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it? And when he has found it, he lays it on his shoulders, rejoicing. And when he comes home, he calls together his friends and his neighbors, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, for I have found my sheep that was lost.’ Just so, I tell you, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who need no repentance. 

The Parable of the Lost Son

¹¹ Jesus continued: “There was a man who had two sons. ¹² The younger one said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of the estate.’ So he divided his property between them.
¹³ “Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. ¹⁴ After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. ¹⁵ So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. ¹⁶ He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.
¹⁷ “When he came to his senses, he said, ‘How many of my father’s hired servants have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! ¹⁸ I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. ¹⁹ I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired servants.’ ²⁰ So he got up and went to his father.
“But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.
²¹ “The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’
²² “But the father said to his servants, ‘Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. ²³ Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let’s have a feast and celebrate. ²⁴ For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’ So they began to celebrate.
²⁵ “Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. ²⁶ So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ²⁷ ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’
²⁸ “The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. ²⁹ But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. ³⁰ But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’
³¹ “‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. ³² But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’”

I thought I was one of the ninety nine sheeps.. I thought I wasn't lost.. but yet I wasn't found.. I wanted God to notice me so much, I strayed, in hope that God will come to find me.
I was stupidly jealous to that point.. the pint of misinterpreting such a comforting and beautiful verse to many others.

I was like the older son, so jealous of the repentance and celebration of the younger son.

In my own jealousy and selfishness, I was blinded I couldn't see that what was God's was mine and I was always with him, I was never lost. And I could and should also be happy for the repented!

I was so selfish, I wanted to always be though of as the best, that it got in my way of better reaction and judgment of my character.

But now I see that I didn't have any need to feel this way,

Because I am saved and renewed in him, I can Glorify him in the ways I can should, and I wouldn't have to feel self pity anymore, because God loves me and he is working wonders in my sister's life as well through my cousin, and I would love that to happen, because God never forgets! And through character, I want to continue to humble my self and learn to be accepting

Because im at a level where I am able to function properly on my own, I should've realiszed that I could use my current state to push myself further and continue learning in that path, but instead I felt so unwanted I had to create a mess to confirm that I was never forgotten, but true, at least now I know, now im sure :)

I do not need a second chance, I wouldn't want to test God w my actions .. now that I know God is always w me!


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
(NIV)


Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (NIV)

Deuteronomy 3:22
Do not be afraid of them; the LORD your God himself will fight for you. (NIV)

Deuteronomy 31:8
The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. (NIV)

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. (NIV)


Who am I - Casting Crowns

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBcqria2wmg

Who am I? That the Lord of all the earth, Would care to know my name, Would care to feel my hurt. Who am I? That the bright and morning star, Would choose to light the way, For my ever wondering heart. Not because of who I am. But because of what you've done. Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are. Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, And you told me who I am. I am yours. I am yours. Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin Would look on me with love And watch me rise again Who am I? That the voice that calm the sea, Would call out through the rain, And calm the storm in me. Not because of who I am. But because what of youve done. Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are. Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, And you told me who I am. I am yours. Not because of who I am. But because of what you've done. Not because of what I've done. But because of who you are. Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading, Here today and gone tomorrow. A wave tossed in the ocean, A vapor in the wind. Still you hear me when I'm calling, Lord you catch me when I'm falling, You told me who I am. I am yours. I am yours. Whom shall I fear? Whom shall I fear? 'Cuz I am yours. I am yours.       Thank you God, I think I feel your peace yet again :)

i played a melody at 11:04 PM
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