Monday, November 25, 2013

Responsibility

I bet you've heard it so many times, enough to make it seem almost repulsive or foreign because it's used to often with people who has good attributes, or maybe it comes up every time you get scolded , or in any moral story, responsibility is one of the most common value to be shared and talked about.

And this "Responsibility" has been so in my life and out of my life at the same time.

Ways of which this word is so heavy on my life is that

My parents constantly remind me of my responsibility as the eldest sister as a "role model" to my siblings.

My tutor and aunts telling me that I can be more responsible by helping my sis w her grades.

My peers and teacher constantly telling me to be more responsible of my own assignments and attitude towards my grades

My responsibility to help out with the house chores because I'm old enough to (??)

General reminders of being responsible of my own words be it promises or remarks

Being responsible of my own belongings so I wont misplace them

Being responsible for the choices you make, therefore taking into account your actions and the consequences

Being responsible of being able to discern, maybe?

Being responsible of how you carry yourself in front of others.


Then from this year onwards, I was tasked w being responsible with another task, to be responsible with my earning , savings, spendings.

Being responsible for your happiness because u can choose to be happy (some says),

being responsible with planning ur time wisely.

Responsible responsible responsible


respond. does responsible means the ability to respond to situations?  The duty to respond? Being in charge to respond /to act towards a situation?



My responsibility to know that I'm responsible for all this


is it really?

But stating all these down just makes me aware how responsibility is so out of my life, like to me , other would see me reacting to it as

"Responsibility? Is that a foreign language? Doesn't sound appetizing"

Nah, im not that far back, but ive been pushing responsibility away as far as I am concerned.

Responsibility, hey it's one powerful thing.

I don't wanna be bothered by it.

I don't wanna face it, it's gonna hurt me, it's gonna be heavy, it's a burden, ,it's gonna bring me down, it's gonna make me go into an anxiety states of mind, it's stressful.

why, would I ever want to carry this load that is not gonna do good to me?



But see, it shapes a person

these thoughts shaped me into a coward, a coward that wasn't willing nor ready to face reality
I know reality
it aint pretty

but because I lack responsibility
shit's back firing,

and then u see behind the front of an irresponsible person,

it is always selfishness,

unfailing selfishness

and to think ive tried so hard not to be selfish, pushed it away, forced it aside, tried to hide,
it comes back around
and found me anyway

how am I gonna love ,truly love the people around me this way?

if im being so selfish and irresponsible.

how am I  able to love?



Lack of this burden of responsibility

caused me worse problems than ever before

it causes me to take things a little too lightly,

never minding a lot

even though I was constantly over thinking.



Harsh words, flow out from this quick tongue of mine,

and I felt like it was never my responsibility to keep my words in check or clarify before it's to late.


my words ARE my Responsibility


being so over relaxed about things that are considered important, I pushed it aside , as long I felt good about it, it should be right,
but hell no,
 that's not how it works

when des responsibility when really needed ever feels right?

haha

#truf man #truf


My attendants , grades, school , friends , are MY RESPONSIBILITY.

why should I let someone else worry bout my stuff?


God gave me this bunch of groups of lives and activities because He Trusts that I can be responsible enough to handle them.

I don't wanna let him down.

Revelation for tonight, baby.

Thanks to my Dad,

I'm reminded again.

Training in Progress:)






God, humble me , and teach me responsibility.














i played a melody at 10:05 PM
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