Wednesday, September 25, 2013

[Intro: Justin Timberlake]
You'd take the clothes off my back and I'd let you
You'd steal the food right out my mouth and I'd watch you eat it
I still don’t know why, why I love you so much, ohh
You curse my name, in spite to put me to shame
Have my laundry in the streets, dirty or clean, give it up for fame
But I still don't know why, why I love it so much

[Hook: Justin Timberlake]
And baby, it's amazing I'm in this maze with you
I just can't crack your code
One day you screaming you love me loud
The next day you're so cold
One day you're here, one day you're there, one day you care
You're so unfair, sipping from your cup 'til it runneth over, Holy Grail

[Verse 1: Jay-Z]
Blue told me remind you niggers
Fuck that shit y'all talking 'bout, I'm the nigger
Caught up in all these lights and cameras
But look what that shit did to Hammer
God damn it it I like it
Bright lights is enticing but look what it did to Tyson
All that money in one night, thirty mil' for one fight
But soon as all the money blows, all the pigeons take flight
Fuck the fame, keep cheating on me, what I do, I took her back
Fool me twice, that's my bad, I can't even blame her for that
Enough to make me wanna murder, momma' please just get my bail
I know nobody to blame, Kurt Cobain, I did it to myself

[Bridge: Justin Timberlake]
And we all just, entertainers
And we're stupid, and contagious
And we all just, entertainers

[Hook: Justin Timberlake]
And baby, it's amazing I'm in this maze with you
I just can't crack your code
One day you screaming you love me loud
The next day you're so cold
One day you're here, one day you're there, one day you care
You're so unfair, sipping from your cup 'til it runneth over, Holy Grail

[Verse 2: Jay-Z]
Now I got tattoos on my body, psycho bitches in my lobby
I got haters in the paper, photo shoots with paparazzi
Can't even take my daughter for a walk, see 'em by the corner store
I feel like I'm cornered off enough is enough, I'm calling this off
Who the fuck I'm kidding though, I'm getting high, sitting low
Sliding by in that big body, curtains all in my window
This fame hurt but this chain works, I think back you asked the same person
If this is all you had to deal with, nigger deal with, this shit ain't work
This light work, camera snapping, my eyes hurt
Niggers dying back where I was birthed, fuck your IRIS and the IRS
Get the hell up off your high horse
You got the shit that niggers die for, dry yours
Why you mad, take the good with the bad
Don't throw the baby out with the bath water
You still alive, still that nigger
Nigger you survived, you still getting bigger nigger
Living the life, Vanilla wafers in a villa
Illest nigger alive, Michael Jackson's Thriller

[Hook: Justin Timberlake]
And baby, it's amazing I'm in this maze with you
I just can't crack your code
One day you screaming you love me loud
The next day you're so cold
One day you're here, one day you're there, one day you care
You're so unfair, sipping from your cup 'til it runneth over, Holy Grail

[Bridge: Justin Timberlake]
You get the air out my lungs whenever you need it
And you take the blade right out my heart, just so you can watch me bleed
And I still don’t know why, why I love you so much, yeah
And you play this game in spite to drive me insane
I got it tattooed on my sleeve forever in ink with guess whose name
But I still don't know why, why our love is so much

[Hook: Justin Timberlake]
And baby, it's amazing I'm in this maze with you
I just can't crack your code
One day you screaming you love me loud
The next day you're so cold
One day you're here, one day you're there, one day you care
You're so unfair, sipping from your cup 'til it runneth over, Holy Grail

[Ending: Justin Timberlake]
Ooooooooohhhhhh, woooowwww (Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Grail)
Ooooooooohhhhhh, oooohhhh, woooowwww (Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Holy Grail)
Ooooooooohhhhhh, don't know why......



okay currently and it has been a few days since ive been lovin this song (:


"And baby, it's amazing I'm in this maze with you
I just can't crack your code
One day you screaming you love me loud
The next day you're so cold
One day you're here, one day you're there, one day you care
You're so unfair, sipping from your cup 'til it runneth over, Holy Grail "

wow

Okay guess what? I had a depression attack just now.. because my best friend wasn't texting me at all.. and yes, I was feeling lonely because of that.. I was like wondering what the hell is wrong.. whats happenin..I want to believe that it's nothing and I over thinking.. but would I be too naïve in thinking that? what if there is something really going on??

But luckily, I felt the peace of God and had a revelation in the toilet while I was bathing.. (I was itchy and stinkin cus of the weather for the past few days..

So, in the toilet I was thinking.. hey I'm suppose to love .. all equally no? then the sadness felt too familiar.. like my first relationship with a guy that had gone all wrong.. I was feeling lonely, I was thinking only about myself, I've learnt that love isn't selfish, it's selfless.. so my mindset was seriously wrong.. I was selfish, I needed company from my best friend just because I was feeling lonely and insecure.. instead the only person I should turn to in time of needs.. the best person to turn to in times of needs was God.. Unfortunately, I'm not familiar with the bible although im a baby Christian and has been exposed to bible things since I was young..
so anyways, back to where I was.. so I was feeling selfish and I  was reminded by God that I shouldn't feel that way.. I'm clearer about this now thanks to Trisha lending me a book called "kissing dating goodbye" I really intellectual book, it makes things really clear about relationships these days, and I thank God for being able to be exposed to this book ( I'm far from finishing though) ...

and also.. I was dwelling in my sorrows loneliness and sadness so bad that it is hindering me from doing a lot of things.. because this worry keeps hanging across my head.. I was putting my friend first that's why I'm feeling so crappy..

Then it felt so similar to my breakup.. I was so sad.. but on the bright side.. I was so sad, so wrought that I was determine not to stay that way, because although I had tremendous self pity on myself.. I knew that I didn't want to lose to this emotion.. I knew I didn't at all enjoy what is happening and somehow I knew I had to make a  change to my emotion.. so I had to concentrate to make myself happy.. I had to make my self contented with my self, I need to find self worth in a situation I felt worthless without the person I though who would love me the most.. although it was a hard time for me, the anger for losing to an emotion and the determination for me to feel better made me overcome this. so step one checked, I had at least changed my mind set on the situation. I had to move on.. so what.. what would make me self contented? what would allow my to find peace within my life and at the same time self worth? a grounding affirmation that no one but me can give myself? (okay I wasn't a Christian then so I had to find my ways because.. I wasn't that expose *excuses* but I did pray to God I really did.. and I guess that at that moment of time.. he did grant me the peace of him.. I really felt it... because amazingly at a situation like that.. although I was so wrecked up at night crying and slapping myself for being so dumb and being so caught up with negativity.. he granted me the peace of him.. so sudden, so warm and yet so sweetly.. that was also one of the reasons why I was able to pull through.. he also granted me the strength, the people, the determination I needed )

So I realized there are things I could do to pull through to find self worth.. in my case these are what I did:

1.) Put myself out better then what I was before.. I took care of my self I LOVED myself.. for example even like a simple thing as bathing, I made sure that I felt fresh and comfortable after I came out of the bath, I would scrub every part of me, rub every part of my scalp make my self smell real good, cover my self in powder.. and patted my hair as dry as possible so that I'd be comfortable in my clothes..(u know people with long hair would always have wet patches on their clothes because of their hair.) Got into my most comfortable and airy clothes(preferably singlet and long soft PJs) ..sit myself down on the bed in the room with a book and/or a drink and avoid Social Media

okay the reason why I would like to avoid touching the phone or my computer was because I would have the urge to stalk to get updated on how that other person is. and that isn't healthy for me at al, I would get myself into further depression if I saw anything I didn't want to or if not.. this constant need for assurance would grow bigger and bigger as long as you feed it.. so the first thing to not do is touch your phone and go onto Facebook.. listen to music from YouTube and such.. BUT DONT .. NEVER EVER go to social media as much as possible

2.) I concentrated on what I could do well, I love drawing and art , I could distract myself by giving my best in the work I was given or I may even learn a new skill or 2. Just Give your best in everything you do.

3.) And guess what? be especially nice to people around you. yes, you are hurting so bad inside you know u deserve the pity of others. but to get over this, to be selfless in situations like this, would make you grow so much more.. so be nice to the people around you.. You'd be surprise on how at peace and happy you will feel.

4.) yes the people that surrounds you matters too, you have to have people that is truthful and strong.. a constant reminder not to give in to these sad thoughts that will cause you to perform worse than u are already performing.. in a positive sense, this is a very good time for mental stretching and training. Don Not Give In. I remember my manager form my workplace telling me : " Do not show this weak side to Guys, they will not care. Do Not Show you have lost, because they will smirk at your misery. Stay Strong okay? All you have to concentrate on now is your school and work .. nothing more. nothing less." she said it in broken English.. to me, it sounded so harsh, but yet it was tremendously strong and comforting, and i really have to thank her for that.. she is one of the strong women in my life that I really look up too (: Supportive friends are a real deal. Really, so surround and embrace yourself in all of them, you won't regret this healing experience.

So yeah, there maybe other things that I have done to makes myself feel better and cope like Keeping a Diary, Blogging.. listening to Music that are powerful, like P!nk, The Script , and others on not giving up or giving in..

there will be tough times and times where you think that forgetting or getting over the situation will be impossible.. but it aint true.. as long as u have the fight in you, you can do it.. as long as you know, where you are now isn't where you want to stay forever and you find ways to get yourself out of there, you'd be able to , be patience with yourself and the situation, it will be over , and I tell you, YOU WILL KNOW WHEN YOU'RE OVER IT :) so Keep on smiling, because that guy in your future is waiting and also preparing himself for you and only and Especially You (:


Hahah I enjoyed blogging about this whole thing because it kinda show that I have learnt and grown in some sense too. I know that only a handful of people knows about this blog and only one or two people or none would be viewing this, but hey, I shared . And it's up to whether you're lucky enough to read the informative ones (:

Toodles.. back to loving myself, my life , my people and my God. ;)


Yes I've been blogging a lot, and that's a good thing kay? ahaha ✿♥☮


i played a melody at 7:30 PM
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