Thursday, August 29, 2013

This is too good to be true.. HAHAH the weather is so good (going to rain,dim,cooling) , Ive bathed, Dad's not at home, Im blogging feelin all woozy like im drunk yet stable, so stable.. Listening to the songs Kev passed to me.. Mhmmm~

I think I gotta get my specs

wait

Back

hmm... Im meetin Ig fer late lunch and then my cuz Trisha later. Damn I dun feel like heading out.

My Life in front of my blog is so plain , so neat, like everything actually can be managed..
you know why?
 cus I get mind blank infront of a blog when I can actually start blabbering out the shits that been chewing on my brain


my life's not a s messed up as I thought it would be , and I know that


im sorry mum, I love you.





A lot of stuff that been chewin my brain is due to insecurities.. and I really hate that, I thought that moment would have been over, or I could better overcome these shitty feelings, but no..

Recently I guess ive been feelin really angsty.. but angsty is just a word to cover my frustration of being insecure.
im not good enough
im not as good as whoevers
why do I have to lie?
why cause myself uneccessary frustrations?
Well, I have my own reasons, they are not ridiculous reasons.. but they are causing lotsa problems
what do I do...


when is my mind going to b back on track?
_____Still into you______Paramore____

damn do I love that song


ive been wanting to start on a lot of things lately
but im just so restricted by paranoia of everything happening around me
People and social media
One day, I swear, im not gonna use my phone for one whole day, like just heck everything and enjoy coffee, read a book, do a card, draw, listen to songs on the radio

then again itll be boring cus ill be doin this alone


Actually, to be honest, I can do that any time
hahha what ridiculousness is this,
what's holding me back? nothing..

nou wait, my parent will nag,
don't do this here
 don't do this there

don't hide ur self in the room

hell please

I don't even lock the door, sometimes I really need quality time with myself,
I like to be alone , in a dim area
it's peaceful
u feel contented, really connected w ur self then

it's the same feeling as when my dad like to turn n music at night,
sits on the sofa
closes his eyes
listen to the singers smooth , comforting and dreamlike voice
relax
concentrate
and then
set urself into the mood
and sent urself into ur own world
ur problems
ur happiness
ur motivations
ur memories
ur pains and gains

emotionally stirred, wondering, thinking, enjoying, remembering


some things ur do that u regretted?

but if its something u Wanted to do, I guess that okay,
youre learning
you learn the different consequences
 and when u are dealing w the same situation
then u choose again


MISUNDERSTOOD
then again,
I brought this
upon
myself.


Where do I start?
Family?
Friends?
Work?
School?
Myself?
Songs?


Stop
just
Stop nagging

I'll be honest


NO


if I were open

ill be physically locked up

I don't like that


i'll be back later. Gotta head to cck nao


BYE




i played a melody at 2:17 PM
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