Sunday, June 16, 2013

So yeah, so fuck.. he broke up with me.. I had a hard time dealing w it that night.. cried my self to sleep, second time in a row.. like fuck really. umm.. but I guess almost a month has passed and... what do you know? time does make it better.. I don't feel that troubled about it as I did as first.. soon, like in 2 weeks or so.. im going to quite ssb.. partially (just a tiny bit) because of him.. but the rest is really.. its for me.. im not an organized person, not someone who prioritizes smartly.. and now all the projects are coming up.. I really wan to do well, have time for friends and family...my thots are all over the place now.. argh....
so yeah.. first about that... then.. something else is bugging me.. I want to be friends with him.. but im not sure if I wanna do this because im not over him yet or what.. .. there was a point of time I was really determined that I want to be friends with him cause someone who actually likes me for me is hard to come back.. esp a guy..and then came a thought like .. well maybe he chose u cause you were an easy target.... hmm
 I have to admit, it was assuring when we were together.. that feeling of assurance gave me courage and strength to do what im doing..but apparently that's not the right way to do stuffs.. I mean hey, ive got friends and family around me that is willing to support me somethings that I do.. hmm. an to be honest, I didn't feel beautiful when I was him.. like he was always putting me down and that suck.. a lot I mean hello? I don't even feel like your gf? but yeah for a few moments  I did feel special... haha..  but he is ignoring me nao... okay,, for one I don't care if he think im desperate.. I really am not .. I just don't want this connect to be lost just because of a breakup.. im not going back to him.. I just don't want to have a bad friction like thing with him.. don't want to make life hard for me u see? Hahaa yes, he is my first love and hey, the more time we spent together, the longer I convinced myself I wouldn't let him go, no matter how hard it was.. but that was stupid.. I should have stood up.. and not back down and give in.. like fuck..it totally showed him tt I was someone who gives in too easily.. but I didn't want to loose him you see? but I guess if he is willing to be my friend.. its gonna be slightly easier.. cause I didn't have him so I didn't have to loose him.. but I guess he would get it.. he doesn't seem the kind to understand it... but I will give it a try.. I don't want to regret not doin it LOL HAHA aright, I should really start on my work.. MAYA.. im clueless about it sia...=.=but awright im gonna try before I give up GOGOGO!!!
oh another thing.. Im kinda worried on how my dad is gonna gimme my pocket money after I quit my job GAWD......

I really love y life alright? I just wna get stronger, more balanced and stable.. so happy that im able to log in to you dear bloggie! <3 font="">
Till next time *muah*


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